The thing is, being mean makes you feel sour inside and it's exhausting. Also, it might feel better at the time to kick some arse because God knows some situations deserve it and you need to vent that frustration somehow, butwhen even being really, really mean does not get results (yes, I'm talking to you, Sheffield City Council), it is better to save your precious energy for the things that light you up and nourish you for the long term. That's what is really needed here.
It wasn't just the total lack of a to-do list, although that has been a blessed thing.
It was something to do with not caring - not that I don't care, or will stop caring about Nick or being his primary carer, of course, but just - not taking it all so personally.
I can't ever be objective where my brother's concerned, but the twisting sourness in the guts and the arse-kicking attitude hurts both of us. There has got to be a better way.
I am going to try looking after number one as well and do the things that nourish me so I can look after him as well as I can. And it is also something to do with being kind, being responsible without being nasty or feeling that twist in my gut all the time; seeing that some things will just take their course whether I try to intervene or not, having the courage to step back a little bit, and ultimately caring for the person I love but where the daily annoyances and obstacles and curveballs are concerned, caring but not caring.