Passive Agressive Memo

Hey! Sheffield City Council! Thank you for teaching me the virtue of patience while I wait on hold as you search for any record of our previous conversation.
There’ve been a few of those so I can see why it might be confusing.

But look, don’t worry that your staff didn’t turn up for their appointment yesterday to take that spare bed away from my brother’s flat. They didn’t leave a message or anything so maybe something awful had happened, do let me know you’re OK, won’t you? It was so thoughtful of you to give us a generous two hour appointment slot but explain that the men could come in even if my brother didn’t hear the buzzer, because they have the keysafe number. It's so reassuring to think that they can come in any time!

Oh, and that other no-show appointment the other week? The one to fix the wonky handle on my brother’s bathroom door? The one you didn’t think was much of an emergency, and obviously you’re the council so you know best. I’m just a boring old health & safety nut with nothing better to do than think ahead, I know, silly me, still you were kind enough to agree to send your repairs team for a look.
That must have been another time when something awful happened to prevent anyone coming when they said they would, or getting in touch. You poor things! So accident prone! Well don’t worry about that, as you’ll know by now, the Citywide Alarm Team managed to get him out when the handle came off altogether and he was stuck in the bathroom - he was fine, nothing else broken, just the door and a few little bruises.

Oh and these phone calls? I hope I’m not being a nuisance? Sorry if I’m keeping you away from more important things you should be doing. It’s just that as I was saying, I’ve got nothing better to do all day and it helps to while away the time. And it’s so cheap to call you, too!
Anyway, thanks for all your help. And for that lovely soothing music you’ve been playing while I’m on hold on the phone. So thoughtful. You make me feel special, like you really care.